Monday, May 14, 2012

We got hope leading nowhere, going nowhere.





Things have been particularly weird lately and my brain is working overtime. After I graduated, I decided I'd take it slow for a year. Art School was pretty much the hardest thing I ever had to do and when I think of my state of health at that time, I can't believe I actually made it. So I figured I could use some free-time and with me getting a WWIK (some sort of artist allowance) and moving temporarely back in with my parents, I didn't really have to worry about money anyway (ignoring my crazy student loans for a year seemed like a great plan as well).

But! The year is flying by and things are getting real, which means I am going to have to figure out what ever the hell I'm going to do. I want to be an illustrator, obviously, but will I be able to get any jobs and make any money? What will my speciality be? Will I mainly do animal illustrations as I always intended to? Will that even work? Sometimes I'm not so sure and when I want to send out my drawings to nature related publishers, I get really insecure and chicken out, telling myself I need to work out my portfolio a bit more.
I should, though.
But, where I am going with this is, I'm finalizing decisions. And one of the first decisions of my life-to-be has been made; I'm going to live in the area I grew up in, where I live now. I already applied for a rental home and everything. It feels really weird though, as I always figured I'd be moving to Amsterdam after I graduated. And as much as I love Amsterdam, I feel like I'm realising more and more; i'm not a city girl. At all. I grew up in the country and I have always taken this life for granted, but after living in the big city of Utrecht for several years during art school, and moving back here... I don't think I ever want to leave again. I love it here too darn much. I need the peace and quiet, the smell of the outdoors, a home filled with cats, a vegetable garden, to actually notice the weather and the change of the seasons, I need to be close to my horses and sheep and pigs and all of the animals I love so much. It will probably do me some good as an animal-illustrator as well and with this kind of job (considering the magic called the interwebz), I can live wherever I want.

So, there it is. I'm not going to move to the city. First decision; made.

I wonder when I'll find something I can afford though. But, I can wait. We'll see what happens. The fact that I was able to finally make this decision is enough for now.
How do you guys deal with life-altering decisions? Do you have your whole lives planned out? I find it so much harder to finalize things when I assume they are going to change my life, while I am pretty easy with decision-making otherwise. I guess it's because I know I'm a pretty flaky person and could easily change my mind. I don't think I will with this though.













Anne

8 comments:

  1. Beste beslissing bb <3 Ik weet zeker dat je er geen spijt van gaat krijgen of op terug gaat komen. (& hoewel het misschien lijkt alsof ik mijn hele leven heb gepland, vind ik ook elke stap nog net zo eng en moeilijk te maken..)

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    1. Ik hoop het! En ja dat is natuurlijk zo, het is eigenlijk best jammer dat iedereen op onze leeftijd met dit soort dingen zit en dat iedereen er zo blasé over doet.

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  2. It's good that you're taking your time after graduation to figure out what you really want to do. I've also just graduated and I'm working parttime now for a easy job, so I've got time to think and relax a bit. Studying is hard and we've earned a time out after graduation !
    Also, I think future bosses are happier with someone who has taken the time to think about their future, than someone who's racing towards a job and don't know if they can handle it.

    Good luck with all the decisions, take it easy and I really love your art :)

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    1. You're totally right, I keep forgetting about that though. Thank you!!!

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  3. Lastige beslissing, maar het is vast een hele opluchting dat je m nu hebt gemaakt. EN beter voor je blog lezers, want anders missen we alle mooie
    beesten en natuur foto's :D
    Die foto van de baby eendjes <3

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    1. Ja zeker! En iedereen die ik het vertelde was helemaal niet verbaasd, zo van 'ehh... maar ik dacht uberhaupt nooit dat jij daar weg zou gaan....' :D heel grappig. Ik wist het zelf gewoon nog niet. Maar dat vind ik lief :) dankjewel! Er zijn zo veel baby eendjes nu en ze zijn ZO LIEF! En de geluidjes! <3

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  4. Ik lees 't nu pas (pfff grote berg blogposts gemist op vakantie...) maar wat een goeie beslissing :) ik vind 't ook vet moeilijk allemaal en ben echt als een debiel aan het rondzweven zonder doel al een hele tijd haha dus ik weet wel een beetje hoe je je voelt...

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    1. Haha ja dat gaat altijd hard hè :)
      Maar ik denk dat het wel een twintiger ding is, om niet te weten wat je nou precies wil en de druk te voelen van de maatschappij en de mensen om je heen. Het is wel moeilijk om je er niets van aan te trekken :)

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