We got hope leading nowhere, going nowhere.

Things have been particularly weird lately and my brain is working overtime. After I graduated, I decided I'd take it slow for a year. Art School was pretty much the hardest thing I ever had to do and when I think of my state of health at that time, I can't believe I actually made it. So I figured I could use some free-time and with me getting a WWIK (some sort of artist allowance) and moving temporarely back in with my parents, I didn't really have to worry about money anyway (ignoring my crazy student loans for a year seemed like a great plan as well).

But! The year is flying by and things are getting real, which means I am going to have to figure out what ever the hell I'm going to do. I want to be an illustrator, obviously, but will I be able to get any jobs and make any money? What will my speciality be? Will I mainly do animal illustrations as I always intended to? Will that even work? Sometimes I'm not so sure and when I want to send out my drawings to nature related publishers, I get really insecure and chicken out, telling myself I need to work out my portfolio a bit more.
I should, though.
But, where I am going with this is, I'm finalizing decisions. And one of the first decisions of my life-to-be has been made; I'm going to live in the area I grew up in, where I live now. I already applied for a rental home and everything. It feels really weird though, as I always figured I'd be moving to Amsterdam after I graduated. And as much as I love Amsterdam, I feel like I'm realising more and more; i'm not a city girl. At all. I grew up in the country and I have always taken this life for granted, but after living in the big city of Utrecht for several years during art school, and moving back here... I don't think I ever want to leave again. I love it here too darn much. I need the peace and quiet, the smell of the outdoors, a home filled with cats, a vegetable garden, to actually notice the weather and the change of the seasons, I need to be close to my horses and sheep and pigs and all of the animals I love so much. It will probably do me some good as an animal-illustrator as well and with this kind of job (considering the magic called the interwebz), I can live wherever I want.

So, there it is. I'm not going to move to the city. First decision; made.

I wonder when I'll find something I can afford though. But, I can wait. We'll see what happens. The fact that I was able to finally make this decision is enough for now.
How do you guys deal with life-altering decisions? Do you have your whole lives planned out? I find it so much harder to finalize things when I assume they are going to change my life, while I am pretty easy with decision-making otherwise. I guess it's because I know I'm a pretty flaky person and could easily change my mind. I don't think I will with this though.













♥ Anne